Embracing Change: A Violinist Journey Through Disability, Grief, and Growth
Embracing the Present While Honoring the Past
Grieving isn’t only about letting go; it’s about finding the courage to embrace who we are now. True forward movement happens when we see the good in ourselves today, not only when we release the past. Sometimes that truth comes in small, unexpected ways — like finally deciding to donate most of my jeans. It’s a reminder that growth isn’t just about removal; it’s about making space for what fits the present.
Small Acts, Big Meanings
I’ve often heard the speeches that say suffering comes from not letting go. But I’ve learned that before we can release anything, we must see our own worth as we are now. Even my old, uncomfortable jeans seemed to whisper, “Why not keep me?” They held pieces of my past — good memories, even within the pain — making them hard to release.
Life’s harder seasons make joy feel rare compared to what we once knew. And yet, finding a pair of jeans that fit now felt like a quiet victory. The same goes for my nasal mask — once a source of discomfort, now a tool that helps my brain function. These aren’t either/or choices. They’re “this is what helps me today” decisions.
Finding Beauty in Adaptation
Over time, I’ve come to see that embracing change doesn’t mean rejecting what came before. It’s about noticing the beauty in the tools and habits that allow healing to happen.
After months of hospitalizations this year, simply being home was transformative. My body surprised me: a subtle shift in neck alignment, a deeper, effortless breath. Perhaps Dr. Henderson could have fused more levels in my spine, but I’m glad he didn’t. The most profound healing hasn’t happened right after surgeries — it’s come when my body has less inflammation and more balance.
The Nonlinear Path of Grief
Grief is not a straight road. It’s a winding path filled with ups, downs, clarity, and confusion. I’ve stopped asking, “Will I ever go back to 2021 and walk again?” Instead, I trust the process — because of the many shifts I’ve already experienced. Some are small. Some feel life-changing.
Being okay with no changes in the moment can be as much a sign of strength as embracing new ones. It’s a dual practice: acknowledging our past while shaping our future.
Holding On and Making Space
If you’re carrying the weight of memories, know this: it’s okay to hold onto the good while creating room for new experiences. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting; it means opening space for growth.
Embrace who you are now. Trust that your journey — with all its unexpected turns — will lead to places of quiet beauty.
Thank you for walking this part of the path with me. I’ll continue sharing reflections and lessons as I navigate this ongoing journey of healing, change, and self-discovery.
